We named you Floyd,

after the band Pink Floyd.

We were convinced my whole pregnancy that you were a girl,

And no boy names stuck.

So one day,

sitting on the couch we were joking around,

just being silly

thinking of different names that we might call you…

Just in case.

As a self proclaimed ‘music junky’

your dad suggested Zeppelin.

Erupting in laughter I said,

What about AC/DC.

More giggling followed.

For the life of me I can’t remember who said “Floyd” first,

What I do remember though,

was the laughter,

and it kind of stuck.

Every time your name was spoken,

throughout my pregnancy,

a smile would come across our faces.

Even now,

when I say your name,

I can’t help but smile.

Even through the tears

and heartache

and grief.

After waking from a coma

with the knowledge that you died,

we had to sign the death certificate.

Your dad came back into the hospital room and told me what he wrote down.

“Floyd Zepplin” he said,

and somehow we still smiled,

accompanied by tears and pained expressions now engrained upon our faces.

Showing me the paper I noticed he spelled your middle name wrong,

thus we have you,

a unique name for a unique little boy.

Even that little spelling detail brings a smile to my face.

And isn’t that the most beautiful gift,

though my heart aches at the thought of you,

longing for you each moment —

your name still makes me smile,

and sometimes even giggle.

You came in like a beam of light,

for just a moment,

like the sun shining through a prism,

changing everything —

casting a rainbow in your wake.

Teaching us the full spectrum of what it means to be human.

So we called you Floyd,

we still do.

You came and went,

rejoining the universe —

uni-verse / one song.

And the song of your soul has forever permeated the entirety of our existence,

now and forever.

My sweet boy in the heavens above

dancing amongst the clouds and the stars.

At your cremation we played

The Great Gig In The Sky —

And of course the first lyrics,

the only words spoken before a gut wrenching wail,

Felt like you speaking to us somehow:

“I am not frightened of dying, you know

Any time will do, I don't mind

Why should I be frightened of dying?

There's no reason for it

You've gotta go sometime.”

And just like the album,

you were a beam of light,

here to show us the vast colours of what being human could be.

My love,

you are a rainbow.

The song of your life forever played in the sky above.

A symphony of love and grief.

Your light will change the world,

And in so many ways,

it already has.

Our beautiful Floyd,

we didn’t know that you would embody so much of your name,

we didn’t know that the album cover would offer us perspective,

a symbol of our time with you.

A beam of light,

surrounded by inescapable darkness,

moving through dense physicality for just a moment,

only to cast a beautiful rainbow in its wake.

The dark side of the moon.

I love you forever my rainbow hummingbird child.

Love mom